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Finding satisfaction

By Ma. Glaiza Lee, Contributor

For years, a million-dollar question has been asked again and again, circulating around and spoken not-so-secretly: Why do women fake orgasm?

“Because men fake foreplay,” a simple answer from psychologist and sex/relationship guru Margie Holmes during the launch of VSense Intimate Gel held recently in Manila.
How many times have we seen or experienced that when things get sizzling and hot, the man (generally) would just take the woman’s clothes off in a hurry, kiss her a little, pull out his stick and just shoot off the love juice?
“That is not foreplay. I hate to use the word because it sounds cold, but foreplay is very important. In Filipino, which is much more poetic, pagroromansa is essential. If the foreplay is good, a woman might reach orgasm,” said Holmes, who shared that based n a study done on approximately 2,000 women, a woman needs at least 20 minutes of foreplay before she is ready for penetration.

Taking charge of one’s sexuality
According to Holmes, what people need to understand essentially is men and women are wired differently. “Masters and Johnson lied to us. They told us that human sexual response starts with desire, arousal then orgasm and resolution, that time between the last ejaculation and next erection. That may be true for men, but it is not true for women.”
She continued: “For men, generally, if they have the desire, they get aroused. This is the reason men in the office would want to make love the moment they get home. For women, it is different. Arousal has to start first, before the desire comes in. We have to understand that men and women are different. It is not about women pretending. It is just how we are.”
However, she expressed that women should not feel that they are a failure because they don’t have orgasms. “Of course, orgasm is not the goal. After all, what is love making? It is a way to validate each other’s being, each other’s person. If the orgasm comes, then why not?”
She admonished that even though, in a way, sexual satisfaction depends on the man, the responsibility ultimately remains with the woman. Some studies show that women who reach orgasm are those who take responsibility for it. The study suggests that one doesn’t need a partner to get an orgasm, or taking responsibility also means telling your partner what you like.
“It is not that men are bastards by nature. Men just don’t know. Sex would be better if they know what women need. But men have to help us. They shouldn’t let us feel that because we suggest it, we are bad women, nor think that “Where did  she learn this? Is she a slut? Does she has more experience?” advised Holmes.

Feeling the silent burden
Based on latest research, men reach 95 percent of the time, while women, about 65 percent on their own and/or with partner. While women don’t need the Big O to enjoy sex, the inability to reach it can be a problem for some women and their partners.
Inability to have orgasm can be classified into two categories: Primary, which means a woman has never had an orgasm, and secondary, where a woman has had an orgasm in the past but can’t now. There are several factors affecting it including lack of knowledge about sex, cultural constraints, not enough stimulation, relationship problem, mood disorders and other physical challenges.
For women, the inability to reach orgasm may be linked to female sexual dysfunction (FSD), the persistent, recurrent problem with sexual response, desire, orgasm or pain that can distress women or put a strain on their relationship with their partner.
Based on data, about 43 percent of adult women have experienced at least one manifestaiton of FSD at one point in their lives. Aside from inability to reach orgasm, FSD symptoms include low desire to engage in sex, difficulty in sexual response or arousal and physical conditions such as poor vaginal lubrication and pain.
“FSD can occur at any age, or at any stage of a woman’s life. Those who belong to the young age group can experience it since they don’t have knowledge on their anatomy. Those in the reproductive age group, they may be lubricated but when you’re pregnant, you don’t know how to position yourself to do sex. After giving birth, the vagina area suffers from trauma; hence, it would be painful to have sex,” shared Dr. Ditas Decena.
Those suffering from FSD can experience dyspareunia or pain during sex. It can be a result of vaginismus, or a condition where the vaginal muscles go into spasm, making intercourse painful or impossible. Poor lubrication can also be the culprit. Some women might not secrete lubricant during intercourse.
Women should not ignore FSD because it might lead to more serious physical symptoms, deeper emotional and social dissatisfaction. FSD is easy to address. If the cause is psychological, women can seek psychological help from certified psychologists.
If it is caused by physical conditions such as poor lubrications, they can use devices and topical gels such as Vsense, an intimate gel that restores natural moisture in the female intimate area, intensifies vaginal sensitivity and helps women reach pleasurable orgasm.
Manufactured by AJ Research & Pharma, it is a patented formulation developed in Italy, and uses natural ingredients derived from plants such as visnadine.
“It is high time women get over the stigma of being sexually aware, or in touch with their intimate needs. It is time to be proactive with our sexuality, so we can address FSD and improve our over-all wellbeing and sexual health,” said AJ Rsearch & Pharma senior product manager Pinky Ferrer.

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